Why am I here?

This is a very philosophical question, and I'm referring to my presence in the digital space as a coach and mentor.

But why am I here? What drives me to coach and to expose myself to the public here in my blog?

My story starts a few years ago. During my adolescence, I had pretty severe psychosomatic respiratory symptoms. I constantly felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn't really breathe deeply. Periodically I went to see a pulmonary specialist, but she never found anything wrong. Finally, she sent me to a psychotherapist - in the mid-1990s, this was not very common and therefore, although I had felt for some time that I needed support, I had not dared to ask my parents for it.

So I was very relieved and the first three years of therapy were ahead of me.

After this first personal contact with psychotherapy, it was to be several years and many experiences, until I had to, or was allowed to, fall back on external help again....

At the age of 30 and with two small children I slid into a massive depression, which took me several years to get out of. And that's when my real journey of working on myself began. I went to medical treatment and met with my therapist from teenage days two times a week in the beginning, then eventually weekly and fortnightly. After a few years it was time to change therapies - different therapists and philosopies followed. In the phase of acute depression the only possibility to somehow manage my everyday life.

And then I finally felt better again, but I had found pleasure in working on myself and my inner self. Why was I the way I was? Where did my "peculiarities" come from? What of it had I picked up through my upbringing and family history, what was truly and authentically me?

What I found was that I lived very much on the outside. Quickly, "culprits" were found for my feelings and for my behavior. And I didn't like that at all. Giving others the power over my life was deeply contradictory to me. So it was time to take that power back....

In my blog I will write about my personal story, but also about different topics that are important to me... Stay tuned!